Updated: Nov 7, 2019
Saturday, October 12th
After the second Mental Wellness Gathering on 'Indigenize Education', I rushed to take care of some last minute errands before 'Las Sucias' Lingerie Show later that evening.
Let me take you back for a moment...
Both of the fashion show opportunities had come up for me while I was still recovering from a depressive episode. It felt like the worst, yet best timing.
I had barely started eating a bit after weeks battling with nausea and loss of appetite which resulted in substantial weight loss. Thus, I felt really insecure about my body, had little to no energy, and lacked emotional stability.
How was I supposed to walk for two fashion shows in these conditions? I had no idea. While at the time it felt as though I didn't have the capacity for it, I felt called to do it. I was hoping that maybe by then, I'd feel a bit better and that it would be an empowering experience.
But the hope I had, quickly started to turn into doubt.
Maybe now is not a good time. I don't feel good. I don't feel confident. What had I gotten myself into? After being asked to confirm my participation- I almost wanted out.
Yet even after letting the opportunities go, they both came back to me. I knew that I had to trust spirit for presenting these to me at this particular time.
This was precisely what I needed. They were answers to my prayers.
I met with Betty, the creator of 'Las Sucias Social Club', as she offered to meet with us so that we could select lingerie that we would feel most comfortable and confident in. We checked in for a bit and then Betty pulled out the lingerie catalogs. As I looked through them, she began opening up about her experience with grieving over the past year. She shared some of the pain, the healing, the growth... How it all became a catalyst to fully immerse herself in her creative projects and entrepreneurial endeavors with "Las Sucias".
I knew we needed to connect with each other at this moment in our paths.
Although I went through various catalogs, the piece I ended up deciding on was one Betty had actually preselected for me. It was a black lace set including a cute bra and high waisted panties with garters to connect to thigh high stockings.
I had not tried it on- until I was ready to head out the evening of the show.
Some of the other mujeres met at my place before heading out. As we finished getting ready, we talked about our fears and anxieties... insecurities about our bodies, shame, the male gaze, sexual objectification, trauma etc. After holding space, validating and affirming each other, we left with the reminder that we were honoring our bodies, breaking cycles of shame, calling all of our power back... and looking sexy as hell doing it.
Ahh... I was finally feeling myself. Something I hadn't felt in sooooo long.
After arriving to the venue, we got to hang out at the booth for awhile as we had some time to kill until we were up. During that time, me and two of the mujeres who I had carpooled with got to connect with each other on deeper levels. We quickly found ourselves diving into conversations regarding our own spiritual journeys as they shared their experiences with death, grief, healing, love, finding their purpose, etc. with me.
Before we knew it, we were about to walk. While there were un poco de nervios, it all felt so familiar. No se como explicarlo, pero like it was as if I had done it before. Which for the record, is not the case- this year was actually the first time I had ever bought lingerie and shot in it too.
Walking in lingerie, alongside other mujeres of color unapologetically embracing their sensuality, was incredibly empowering.
I SAW AND FELT LIKE THE BEAUTIFUL, POWERFUL, SENSUAL GODDESS I AM.
Despues de bailar un poco, I headed home para descansar y prepararme for the Equality Fashion Show the next day.
Sunday, October 13th
I woke up cansadita, pero as soon as I walked into the Globe Theatre- I was full of excitement and in complete awe. I was surrounded by soooooo many incredibly talented and beautiful individuals, many of which I got to share the stage with. I honestly don't think I had realized how big this fashion show was going to be!
It was wild. It felt so unreal. Like these are my meros pinches moles...
The Equality Fashion Show is the 1st LGBTQ+ Fashion Week in Los Angeles created and directed by Nik Kacy! This year it featured 11 designers, 106 models, 37 dancers, 9 musicians, 5 hosts, 4 DJ's, 3 schools, and a trans chorus among numerous other creatives. I had the opportunity to walk for ‘Fem Haüs’ which is a brand designed by Regina Del Real that celebrates Femme visibility in its' rawest form. All pieces were refined, organic, and up-cycled featuring block printed textiles and hand embroidery.
After getting our hair and makeup done, we had the honor to receive runway coaching by Maria Roman from the Trans Latina Coalition. Witnessing as she and other models walked the runway exuding so much confidence- was FASCINATING! Like gaahh damn, ya quisiera.
I hope to continue fostering the self-love and confidence within myself, so that I can fiercely and unapologetically channel that inner goddess within me- that I have consistently made small.
Modeling is such an embodied practice.
It requires you to fully be in your body, to really feel yourself and not be afraid to share that with others.
After the coaching, we began the fittings. I loved how bold the pieces in the collection were, the inspiration behind them and how they were intentionally styled to fit each model.
While we waited for showtime, two of the mujeres walking for the same line as I- shared powerful personal stories with me. Again, with themes regarding trauma, mental health, heartbreak, love, and sexual liberation.
The people I crossed paths with this weekend and the lessons they shared with me reminded me that the people I meet are often messengers from spirit.
It served as confirmations that I was on the right track.
I am attracting high vibrational relationships and building my tribe.
Before walking, Nik reminded us of the intentions of the show and encouraged us to take up the space that they created for us.
We were the first line to walk the runway. After walking and getting to see some of the lines after us from the stage wing, the desire I've had to create my own work was ever so present. I was on such a high. I felt so full of pride and inspiration. One day, I will showcase my own line as a designer. Y en el futuro, I will make my dream of creating my own fashion show a reality. I am manifesting my wildest sueńos!
Taking part of such a revolutionary space that celebrates our existence and artistry was truly magical.
And of course, this experience aligned with the full moon! While I wasn't able to join the Let There Be Luz Digitial Circle guided by Linda Garcia live, I watched the recording after. The theme was "amplifying the fire energy of our core as we honor our inner enchantress".
Sin saber, I had partaken in the recommended ritual which centered exfoliation. I had gotten a facial for the first time, my eyebrows threaded, a manicure and pedicure in preparation for the shows. Followed by this, I felt more like myself again. Even better, I felt as though I had transformed into a bad bishh that could take on anything.
I GOT TO CHARGE MY INNER ENCHANTRESS WITH THE POWER OF THE FULL MOON ON THE DAMN RUNWAY.
Y on top of that I got to experience this at a place where I had previously been made to feel small by my ex partner y la otra. Hella layered on so many other levels...
Through the digital circle meditation, I got to hone into my magical powers and receive powerful downloads that allowed me to feel inner peace.
From the platica, I was reminded that my body is my biggest support system. To walk in courage, stand in my power, and feel protected.
My crown en alto. I felt the amplification of my core.