Sunday, September 29th
I arrived home on Sunday morning and the majority of my ex partners things were gone or packed. I walk around, processing... The end of our relationship is marking a big shift- my reality is changing. This phase in my life is officially coming to a close.
Soon after arriving, I headed out to Lincoln Park with my housemate, homegirl, and spirit sister- Saphirre. She was hosting her first yoga pop up. This was a community offering of her @comolalotus healing/creative work.
Going through our own healing, spiritual, and creative journeys alongside each other has been such a bendicion.
It was an intention setting flow guided by the New Moon in Libra. As a Libra Sun and with the major life transitions happening at the same exact time, the alignment was unreal. Especially with Libras' energetics of relationships and creativity being at the forefront in my life right now. What a better way to welcome new beginnings than with setting intentions through an embodied practice like yoga. Most especially, because I wanted to reconnect with my body through this practice as it has been a powerful tool for connecting, releasing, healing, reclaiming, and liberating myself.
I laid on the grass and immediately felt so grounded by the earth beneath me. I felt the warmth of the sun radiating from above me. I saw the mariposas that surrounded us. I heard the oldies playing in the background...
I felt present and in my body. Something I hadn't felt in a long time.
I took a hit de medicina as we waited for everyone to get settled. Before starting our flow, we were invited to take a card of the Iris Oracle Deck from the altar in the center and I got the "Stay Back" card. I sat there in shock... It was a confirmation from spirit.
"It seems that we are taught to openly let others enter and leave our space as they feel. It is not your obligation to give others what they want from you just because they want it. We need boundaries at any time we are each doing the deep and transformative work that we cross on our paths. The desires to love and give are gifts, and to have those gifts can honor so many who are part of your life. However let us not be taken just for our tenderness. We all have venom, it helps protect us, especially during deep times of transition. Don't be afraid to use your venom to keep others at arm's length. The perception that your presence is for people to experience as they please is not right, and you have the ability to bite."
This had been laying heavily in my mind for many reasons I'll share below. Plus, earlier when we were on our way to the park I had just shared with Saphirre the realizations that I had came to as I had been processing everything. So, it hit home.
I won't share in much detail now... But the level of excruciating pain and inflicted suffering I had been experiencing was unbearable. My heart, mind, body and spirit could no longer withstand it. I had gotten to a breaking point. I had to stand up for myself. I had to put my foot down.
I had to fight for my dignity.
Earlier that week, I was affirmed multiple times for the unbelievable compassion, mindfulness, and love that I embody. But each time it was also followed by a reminder that I need to protect myself.
Some of the realizations I have made...
- I can have compassion and also not tolerate anything less than I deserve.
- I cannot compromise my sanity nor my health.
- I am responsible for the energy that I allow to surround me.
- I have agency. - Setting boundaries and asserting them when they are broken is necessary. - Having access to me is a privilege. - I am not an endless energy supply.
- I need to have my own back.
- I will no longer allow someone to continuously hurt me.
- Anger was a natural and valid response.
- I am allowed to feel anger.
- Feeling anger is often connected to feeling powerless.
- I am calling all of my power back.
After the frequent shortness of breath, feeling choked up, and sense of powerlessness, my throat chakra was cleared- and I SPOKE UP.
Out of all the people who held space for me, the most affirming and empowering statement that really stuck with me was...
"You accessed your WARRIOR".
I really had done just that!
Release rituals and intention setting while being surrounded by high vibrational connections- I knew that this weekend was marking a transformative shift.
Right after yoga, I took a long breath, looked around and smiled. I feel the shift... it's happening. The first thing I saw when I glanced at my phone was a message from my ex partner stating they were moving out the last of their belongings. Timing. Timing. Timing.
Una mariposa flew past me. The song that my friends from back home had sang to me began playing.
I am healing deeper than the open wounds. I am experiencing profound awakenings.
I turned to Saphirre and hugged her. I see you. I see me. I see us. This is what the journey towards personal liberation looks like.
After debriefing, we went to La Monarca. Saphirre got some coffee and I enjoyed una concha y un pan de elote. Despues fuimos a La Michocana, to continue satisfying los antojitos. I was getting all the munchies hehe
2:22pm- We are about to head home. The signs were abundant.
Llegamos a la casa and all of my ex partners belongings were gone. The keys were on the table. I do a walk through again- processing. The past month and half has been incredibly heavy. It‘s all felt like a blur.
I laid in the living room the rest of the day. At that moment, that's all I could do.
Gracias creator for always looking out for me. I am sorry I doubted you. I was struggling to surrender. But I am learning to deeply trust.
Embracing all of the newness that comes with the close of cycles and new beginnings. I feel whole and abundant.